Filthy, Free

by Gary

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about

A mix of recordings from different places. Quality is questionable and inconsistent.

credits

released 06 April 2014

JT recorded and mastered the first 4 tracks. Everything else was recorded and not mastered on a broken Fostex MR-8.

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Track Name: Fighting For Our Lives
we stood or knelt in concert halls
on rooftops under lighting storms
in the dead grass of graveyards we swore
with tears in our eyes
to never go back and never give in
our greatest defeats just prove that
we are still alive and kicking
we hitchhiked across continents
lived in houses left for dead
fell in love with the darkness
and a starlit sky
we dropped out and walked away
from financial stability
invested our futures in empty wallets
dumpsters and petty theft
shed ourselves of empty promises
i’m going to live at ruthless
and as dangerous as i please
until...
the day that i fucking die!

when we fight we’re fighting for our lives x3
and you can bet that thats a threat
i’m not going to stop until every last law is broken
and fucking cop is dead

we broke siege on campuses
fought the pigs in futile riots
nursed each other back to health
just to fight again
emptied on to city streets
from shows that changed our lives
then stayed up til sunrise
chasing our dreams and our desires
we robbed banks and burned the cash
accomplished failures just for a laugh
found strength in stories told from
half a world away
and in silent moments
as we laid our heroes to rest
i swear vengence as i throw down my pen
because we’re rewriting ourselves
with bombs and beating hearts
passed through prison bars
and over continents
tales lived and never told
and that’s the way its going to be
until...
the day that i fucking die!

when we fight were fighting for our lives x3
and as the fires start to build we’ll whisper to ourselves
in a secret harmony of laughter and tears

that one day this will all come crashing down
we’ll be dancing in the ashes of this empire
growing gardens in abandon yards
when theres nothing left to loot
and we’ll be playing in the these streets
lined with derelict cars to serve as a
reminder of everything we’ve left behind
with no regrets, no regrets at all.
Track Name: Awfully Big Adventure
we’ve been talking about survival
but what about fighting back
fuck passivity where’s the passion
i don’t know about you
but i think i’ll rest when i’m dead
and until then
if we can shed our fears to dance
and apply that to our lives
imagine what the stars will think
when we come out tonight
my greatest fear
is growing old and comfortable
with no scars and no broken bones
the gravest threat against us
are the holes we for ourselves
in the sands of uncertainty
i want to be cold and hungry sometimes
to bleed if that what it takes because
these eyes will be dust one day

so get up off the floor
because tonight you’re going to die
this is your last chance to dance
in the life you’ll leave behind
and when we wake up reborn
into this fucked up world
fearless, wild, and free we’ll
chase the civilized from the maps that they write
and the borders that could never contain a free soul
dead or alive

well i walked these city streets wandering
i was looking for answers in this godless world
and i found them as i walked
beneath my feet
i saw a little dandelion
a pushin up through the concrete
if a weed that small can crumble
these city streets into dust
just imagine what a room
full of kids like us could do
if we could shake this fear that binds us
and start risking everything ahead and behind us
and cast our lots to the chaos
of a life worth living
you see my generation
is dying to forget
that we are gods
and we can do anything

so get up off the floor
cause tonight you’re going to die
this is your last chance to dance
in the life you’ll leave behind
and when we wake up reborn
into this fucked up world
fearless, wild, and free we’ll
erase the civilized from lies that they call history
every one of those books will burn
in the presence of the stories we write with our lives
Track Name: Recipe For Disaster
dear, you’re dying
but aren’t we all?
we could make the best of this
self destruction, hedonism, a dash of whats left
of my angry youth
the drugs in your head
these calloused hands
fumbling with a match under
defaulted loans, rotten teeth,
food stamp cards and our
punk retirement plans
mapped on bell curving trends
mix it all together - it’s a recipe for disaster

i’m a fool i guess for thinking it would be anything less
than what it is
a way to die alone
i am a sorry excuse for a man
but i never aimed to be
and sometimes it’s enough
to be just as beautiful, just as beautiful as fucked up

when we’re playing it’s with fire at crowded basement shows
riots on midnight streets
our secrets shared between these
fragile bones
tangled within sheets
we are forever criminals
waste deep in disease
dirty dishes, theft citations, addictions, and drinking problems
high school dropouts, work force rejects
mix it all together - it’s a recipe for disaster

we’re all fools i guess for thinking it would be anything less
than what it is
a way to kill ourselves
what a sorry excuse for success but
failure holds a certain charm
and i dont think i am
alone in that regard
or alone in any way at all

these walls were built to crumble but for now they hold together
if for just a while
so we let our years tangle
into knots of passion like
punk rock fashion
broken hearted vengence
and half-baked reciept scams
i stole a bike to pay the rent
that’s anarchist morality hard at work
bold lines are draw to cross carelessly
this may not be the quick path to hell
but it’s a recipe for disaster

for every broken law and every burning bridge i’ve crossed along
the road to salvation
i’ve thought that this cannot end well
time will betray the greatest memories
so lets punch kick and scream
and never understand a goddamn thing
Track Name: Let Go
nothing means anything
and everything is dying
or already dead
like this thought inside my head that says
universal truth is a dirty lie
from here we redefine
our friendships and
the summer could last forever
if we want it to
losing sleep to our best laid plans
with hands held in a white knuckle grip
who need friends with accomplices like this
let go i will catch you when you fall

absence of purpose in these
fleeting seconds floating
and by the way
things we make and lay to waste
can be defeating, inspiring,
or a blank canvas to write on
or burn in creative fire just
trust your every desire
as long as you are alive
browbeaten or still standing strong
with hands held in fists to the sky
who need cliques with crime waves like this
let go i will catch you when you fall
Track Name: Filthy, Free
I'm filthy and free
coming apart at
these hand-stitched seams
the ones that you've sewn me
so half-cocked I go
as crazy as I can
til I understand
why you cut yourself because
we're made to feel
dead or just numb from
here to the grave
crowded by lonesome
and heartbroken chests
that have no known love
just perversions of it
lust and codependents

I should probably calm down
just a little bit slower now
write a song or two about love and not
burning buildings
but maybe it's all the same

so do what you can
to find the light
in the darkest of places
leave plenty of traces
to share what we've learned
through gifts not exchange
and every mistake
the ones i'm always making
i hope you endure
through every disservice and
manic mood swing
or depressive rambling
not unlike this song
but i'd like to thank you
for all that you've done
that you're still my friend
Track Name: No Gods No Masters
in holy song to bleat the hymns out loud
prostrate the soul under indifferent clouds
seeking saviors in "corrected" history
who needs truth when you can just believe

psalms, revelations, and the teachings of christ
clever distractions to draw the eyes
from the possiblities in sought desire
if this body is a temple it's one that's on fire

its a just law that keeps us all in prisons
castrates the self at the expense of reason
power to the judges and clandestine clans
who needs justice when they're all shaking hands

the headlines decry lies and treason
against the agents of collective liberation
but my friends know the rotten score that
the old guard feasts on defeated hearts

a first world rests on the backs of those
disposed or forgotten on the factory floor
human and non animals alike
bound to the whip or the appetite

i was not put on this earth
to subjegate anyone or to serve
no gods no masters no fucking slaves
are you part of the solution or just digging graves

Am i a fool for wanting a life beyond the moorings of capital
and purity? lay morals to rest in a watery grave
and set sail for horizons guided by the heavens full of stars
storms and dreams, not a god among them
Track Name: Drugs and Daydreams
I am a myth
and you are ancient folk lore
yet unwritten, untold
those tasks we leave
to those content
with demonizing and deifying
these understatements of affection and possibility
as we push
past and future so distant
they may well be non-existent
and the days become infinite

we’re always headed home
by way of somewhere else
fueled by the drugs and daydreams
that run around in our blood

on the interstate
or a railway stowaway on passenger or freight train
shoplifting my way across the great plains
on a bicycle that may outlive me yet

i surrender myself to the chaos
behind structured time
where clocks unwind themselves
it’s so much like all the things i will never know
and all the places that i will never
and all the wasted time
whittled away
in railyards on roadsides
where perfection comes without charge
not that i
was planning on paying anyway

(chorus)

one thousand miles
spanning fifty years
where land and souls meet shores
the path i take not so direct
for small towns and side roads
landscapes from boxcars
the silence
pierced by a draw of breathe
yours or mine
we wander between lines
to wonder at our size
giants like grains of sand

(chorus)

love and life
are a pair of train tracks
but i can’t explain beyond that
Track Name: 801
i know it's not the coldest but
this winter has frozen
all my aspirations
I'm all hesitation
and i can barely get up
sometime before noon
to go to the library
just to keep my fingers warm
but i wouldn't trade you here for anywhere
and you i hope that someday you will find a place that makes you feel the same

i'd like to think i know this as well
as anyone can know something bigger than themselves
the way i'm searching for somewhere to stand
but this is where i am a perfect place to defend
i found a home between the wasatch range
and the great salt lake
this is where i belong

and so the seasons change
our bodies start to move
they whisper insurrections
crush in all directions
write new languages and hypothesis
questionable methods and dangerous intentions
i have a thing for love and vandalism retail theft and anarchism
an you smell like sex and spraypaint photocopies, bikes, and dumpster dives

and now the summers come - can you feel it in your blood?
we're sharing our infections fuck every prescription
symptoms on our shirt sleeves wearing faults like trophies
to the soundtrack of slow days, touring bands, and trainyard dates
I i'm not growing up not to imply that i even know how
you can read it in our eyes the way we'll never leave all this behind
Track Name: Riding the Wave
sitting still alone in this bedroom for what seems like years
dont move a muscle, try not to breathe, not to feel anything
muted heartstrings, blinded peripheries
i build an island to hide from ought tos, what its, and capabilities

i'm a recluse in the crowd cowardice just can't speak honestly
in a shell called a body, a mind on the brink, everyone speaks vapidly
i respire profanity, i bleed disappearing ink
ashamed of what's not made
left to wither and fade
so many problems to sing away

so i surrender yet again craft a nest of cassia bark and twigs
on sunlit flames throw it all away a pile of ashes and broken bits
this is my life a path less paved
for better or whatever
never to far from
always just out of reach